Re-Cycling Pain
Sex addicts, like others with compulsive behavior problems, continually re-cycle
their pain in a pattern that repeats in “The Cycle of Addiction“ :
Emotional TriggerSex addicts are wounded people and it’s this pain that begins the cycle of sexual addiction for them. For instance, as many as four out of five sex addicts have been sexually traumatized or physically abused in their childhood. In almost all cases they’ve been emotionally traumatized or neglected.
Being sexually abused causes the survivor to feel bad, embarrassed, or ashamed. To feel bad about yourself is the most painful and debilitating of all emotional problems. This is another area where “the father of lies” can deceive us into believing all kinds of untruths and in this case they’re about ourselves:
Shame usually goes with mistrust. Those who have been violated sexually have been deeply wounded and will tend to isolate in fear and depression. But they can’t remain that way and will eventually reach out to someone—tragically, because their “trustor” has been damaged, it might be someone who will take advantage of them in some way.
Being sexually abused can eventually tempt the victim to abuse others. This is a way to get into a “one up” position of power and control over other people in order to avoid the “one down” posture of being vulnerable. Not only does this spread the shame and pain of abuse to someone else, but it adds guilt and many more painful problems for the survivor.
Emotional pain that just sits inside a person builds and builds. It wears a person down. It can’t be repressed or avoided forever—eventually it is triggered, intensifies, and becomes intolerable.
Craving Lust addicts habitually react to their pain and unmet needs by “sexualizing” this. They crave sex. It feels to them that sex is what they need. They’ve turned their natural desire or drive for sex into a need—not just a physical need for pleasure or satisfaction but it is felt to be the way to bond with someone, feel wanted, accepted, and valued. Of course, sex can’t do any of that!
They develop sexual fantasies, thinking that sex in some form will help them to feel better or to fill the emptiness inside. They may get into a “sexual zone” in which sex is all they think about and they’ll do anything to get it. They want more and more sexual gratification and often they find that they can’t stop thinking about it.
Ritual Sexual fantasy leads to rituals. Rituals are repetitive, mindless behaviors that are the addict’s way of preparing to engage in compulsive sexual behavior. Excitement, arousal, and good feelings begin to build. They rationalize these behaviors because they “haven’t done anything wrong yet.”
Examples of sexual rituals include going to the ATM to load up on cash, cruising the public park or street where they might get sex, finding an excuse to go to a store near the sex shop, having a drink (to lower inhibitions), surfing the web to “happen” upon pornography or a sex chat room, or flirting with someone.
Using Eventually the sex addict “acts out.” He (or sometimes it is a she) acts out his sexual fantasies—buys a bunch of porn magazines or videos, calls the sex line, or “hooks up” with someone wanting sex.
And another set images or experiences is added to the porn library in his head, making it easier and easier to continue and to increase his compulsive sexual behavior. And the sex addict feels a need to do something even more exciting next time in order to get the desired charge. (This is called “tolerance.”)
Guilt Although the fantasizing, ritualizing, and acting out creates excitement for the sex addict, the good feelings don’t last long before they are overcome by feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. And as the cycle continues with more and worse sexual acting out behaviors the pain keeps getting worse too.
Uncovering Personal Needs Love, joy, and peace—these are the qualities that we all need to cultivate. These fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-25)
are not emotions, they are conditions of being, characteristics of God and godly people. They include emotions, but also attitudes, and capacities of relating and choosing.
Sex addicts have very little love, joy, or peace in their lives. They need to realize that they’re substituting lust for love, excitement for joy, and numbness or detachment for peace. Also they may be substituting power over others or aggression for true self-esteem.
They need to learn how to get their true needs met and to become a different kind of person on the inside.
Let me illustrate. Mark (not his real name) came for help when he developed an STD. Single and in his 30’s, he had struggled with moderate depression ever since he could remember. He felt empty and disconnected most of the time. To cope he worked a lot. And he looked for sex with women he met at parties.
Mark told me, “When I’m with a woman that I might have sex with I feel alive. I’m happy and energized, ready to handle anything that comes my way.”
But Mark’s happiness didn’t last long. Neither did his relationships with women. Inside, he was becoming more and more empty and disconnected. I told him that he was developing a heart of Velcro.
By getting into and out of sexual relationships he was forcing himself (and the women he was in relationship) to continually connect and disconnect emotionally. He admitted that he wasn’t as sensitive and compassionate as he used to be. “I feel trapped,” he lamented to me after another relationship broke up. “I know this isn’t good, but I can’t seem to stop. I guess that’s why I started therapy.”
Mark had lust, but not love. He had excitement at times, but no enduring joy. He satisfied his cravings and temporarily got free of his crave-resist conflict, but he was not truly at peace.
He needed to learn to stop sexualizing his needs and to instead get real help for himself.
Recovery is up to YouNo one is helpless over a psychological problem—even if they’ve been abused in the past. Obviously, it’s wrong to be abused and it’s unfair to be burdened with emotional pains that aren’t your fault.
But the hard truth is that my recovery and emotional healing is up to me—no one will do it for me—I have to learn how to reach out to the Lord Jesus Christ and apply his grace and truth to my life. I have to take responsibility for my pain and for the many bad and unhealthy choices that I have made to get into my predicament.
Steps to be Free from Lust Now I’d like to get real specific and real personal. If you’re struggling with a compulsive sexual behavior then I’m
talking with you. Do you want help? Are you serious about getting help? You’ll need to give it all you got to get free from lust and to become free to love. Here are some important steps for recovery and freedom.
Get Support and Accountability You need to get desperate and cry out to God for help. This is why steps 1 and 2 in the 12 Steps are: “We admitted we were powerless over our dependency on sex, that our lives had become unmanageable. We turned our wills and our lives over to the power of
God.”
“No one can serve two masters,” Jesus said (Matthew 6:24). He taught that freedom comes from following his teachings and seeking the truth (John 8:31-32).
So you need to tell the truth to God and to others. You need to tell your whole sexual history with at least one person you trust. A good place to start is to join a 12 Step recovery group. This is essential, as addicts in recovery will hold you accountable if you ask them to.
Get a sponsor, make friends, and work the steps. You need the accountability. You need the support. You need the structure. You need a healthy place to go to replace acting out.
Therapy is also important for many of the reasons above and to help you to experience support, healing of childhood wounds, and resolving of internal conflicts. If you’re married, it’s important to note that your spouse is not a good person to hold you accountable, as it’s too hurtful and confusing.
Talk it Out One of the important things that you need to learn to do in a safe relationship with someone you respect is to “talk out” your struggles and emotions. In recovery from compulsive behavior you need to learn to “talk it out” so you don’t “act it out.” In this way you discover by experience that you can find relief, care, and help by talking out your struggles, feelings, and needs to someone you trust and then taking in the comfort and encouragement you need.
Talk the stress out. Take the care In. Then you won’t act out your emotional needs with sexual sin.
In this way you are learning to meet your personal needs in relationships instead of by sexualizing, which doesn’t meet
any real needs and only makes things worse for you (and others) in the end. With practice in this talk it out process you learn to gain conscious
control over your unconscious, sexualizing reactions.
The goal is for you to learn to discipline yourself to talk it out as soon as you feel pain or emotional need (interrupting the first phase in “The Cycle of Addiction”, emotional trigger). If not there, then hopefully you do so when you find yourself starting to fantasize or to feel tempted (phase 2, craving), or when you start to dancing around the edges (phase 3, ritual), or when you start acting out (phase 4, suing).
Seek Healthy Enjoyment For you to stop pursing the excitement you get from acting out you need to add in new sources of enjoyment through hobbies, exercise, or time with friends. You need to focus on enjoying various simple, holy pleasures in life, like enjoying a walk in the park, appreciating a sunset, playing with a child, relaxing in a spa, participating in a conversation with a friend, calming yourself through quiet prayer, or meditating on Scripture.
Enjoyment won’t give you the same “hit” of excitement that you want, but if you stay sober long enough and even allow yourself to feel bored at times (resting the pleasure center in your brain) then you can find that joy is indeed way better, more meaningful and longer lasting than the illicit excitement you’ve craved.
Meditate on Scripture As I said above intertwined with compulsive sexual behavior and emotional wounds are lies. These need to be replaced with
God’s truth, especially as it’s found in the Bible. You need to meditate deeply on Scripture so that it forms you and imparts God’s life to you. A good place to start is to use the Scriptures for “Our Identity in Christ.”
Devote your Eyes to the Lord Lust is an addiction of the eyes. To overcome it you need to learn to devote your eyes (your physical eyes and the eyes of your heart) to the Lord Jesus Christ till you become captivated by his beauty and ravished by his kingdom of the heavens. In Romans Paul warns us against offering the parts of our bodies to sin that deadens us but as people brought from death to life we’re to present the parts of our bodies to God as “instruments of righteousness” (Romans 6:13).
Just as sin is rejecting the sufficiency of the Lord as our portion (“Against you only have I sinned”, David confessed in Psalm 51:4) so also devotion to the Lord is the ultimate antidote to lust. If you’re heart is rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord you will not lust!
I teach lust addicts to form a habit of the heart that whenever the thought of lust comes to them they re-direct their mind to engage their heart to offer a Scripture based prayer of devotion to Jesus like, “Whom have I in the heavens but you Lord and earth has nothing I desire besides you” (Psalm 73:25). From there you can learn to offer prayers of intercession for the one you were tempted to lust after, “Lord, bless this woman. Help her to pure. Protect her from men who want to use and abuse her. May she rejoice in your love Jesus, even now.”
This is a delightful prayer practice that is guaranteed with practice to calm down lust. There’s no point for Satan to entice you to lust if every time he does that you begin to give thanks and praise to Jesus for how wonderfully satisfying he is!
For instance, ”Eyes of Prayer” is a short prayer inspired by Psalm 101 and other Scriptures that I wrote to will help you
renounce the lust of the eyes and dedicate your eyes to Jesus.
Practice God’s Presence Sin comes from a soul that is dissatisfied.
Our greatest opportunity in life is to learn to find our joy in the Lord Jesus Christ in our midst, delighting in him (Psalm 37:4) and trusting his sufficiency to meet all our needs (Philippians 4:19). This is called practicing God’s presence and it’s essential to becoming free of lust’s deadly grip. Our goal needs to be able to say with David, ”I have set the Lord always before me because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8). We need to learn more and more to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) as Paul did.
How? Try praying Scripture phrases throughout the day like, “Jesus delights in me… I delight in you my Lord” (inspired by Psalm 18:19; 37:4, 23). Or hold before your mind the picture of Jesus smiling and opening his arms to you. There are many “Breath Prayers from the Bible” that you can use to help you practice God’s presence.
As discussed above, if Satan presents a temptation to lust to you but you’re already in a posture of prayer, meditating on a word from God then it’ll be easy for you to refuse lust and rejoice in the Lord.
Prepare Ahead to Reduce Temptation If you’re having a compulsive behavior problem then one of the most important things I can tell you is to plan ahead in times of strength for future times of weakness and temptation. This means things like, calling ahead to the hotel to ask them to turn off the sex channels, not letting yourself even drive near the porn shop, not walking by the magazine rack, getting a filter for your internet, or not having a credit card to charge illicit sex on.
Also, it’s helpful for you to set up an “emergency kit” to pull out in times of temptation. Put in it things like a list with support system phone numbers, a picture of your inner child (who you need to care for and to protect), a family picture (of loved ones who care for you and whom you need to care for and not hurt), Bible verses, affirming statements, or 12 Step workbook.
What I’m saying is, you need to ”Pray Before you Slip.” You need to watch and pray. If you do the soul training with Jesus that is needed, opening your heart to him and his word, then from a renewed heart you will be in a position to resist temptation.
Celebrate Little Victories Little victories matter. The wise man of the Bible, inspired by the Holy Spirit said, “The righteous one falls seven times and rises again” (Proverbs 24:16).
How can it be that it is the righteous one who keeps falling down? Because he or she keeps rising back up with God’s help. Why does he fall seven times? Seven is God’s number of perfection—there is room in God’s grace fur us to fall down as many times as it takes for us to learn to take hold of the hand of Christ.
In the process of recovery from compulsive behavior consider that minimizing the degree of acting out—or stopping yourself
at the point of it being “a little slip” and not an all out binge—is a success.
Finally, when you fail don’t think it’s too late. You can still talk it out after you’ve acted out, confessing your sin and your failing to God and to someone you trust, seeking forgiveness and new strength to get back in recovery (1 John 1:9, James 5:16). Even this can be understood and re-framed as a positive because you’re not keeping it a secret and you’re getting help!
“Soul Shepherding is for you and your ministry”
Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere,
Psy.D. ~ Soul Shepherding ~ Irvine, CA
their pain in a pattern that repeats in “The Cycle of Addiction“ :
Emotional TriggerSex addicts are wounded people and it’s this pain that begins the cycle of sexual addiction for them. For instance, as many as four out of five sex addicts have been sexually traumatized or physically abused in their childhood. In almost all cases they’ve been emotionally traumatized or neglected.
Being sexually abused causes the survivor to feel bad, embarrassed, or ashamed. To feel bad about yourself is the most painful and debilitating of all emotional problems. This is another area where “the father of lies” can deceive us into believing all kinds of untruths and in this case they’re about ourselves:
- “I’m eligible to be mistreated.”
- “Nobody really wants to know me.”
- “I’m too needy, too sensitive, too emotional.”
- “It’s hopeless. I can’t get better.”
Shame usually goes with mistrust. Those who have been violated sexually have been deeply wounded and will tend to isolate in fear and depression. But they can’t remain that way and will eventually reach out to someone—tragically, because their “trustor” has been damaged, it might be someone who will take advantage of them in some way.
Being sexually abused can eventually tempt the victim to abuse others. This is a way to get into a “one up” position of power and control over other people in order to avoid the “one down” posture of being vulnerable. Not only does this spread the shame and pain of abuse to someone else, but it adds guilt and many more painful problems for the survivor.
Emotional pain that just sits inside a person builds and builds. It wears a person down. It can’t be repressed or avoided forever—eventually it is triggered, intensifies, and becomes intolerable.
Craving Lust addicts habitually react to their pain and unmet needs by “sexualizing” this. They crave sex. It feels to them that sex is what they need. They’ve turned their natural desire or drive for sex into a need—not just a physical need for pleasure or satisfaction but it is felt to be the way to bond with someone, feel wanted, accepted, and valued. Of course, sex can’t do any of that!
They develop sexual fantasies, thinking that sex in some form will help them to feel better or to fill the emptiness inside. They may get into a “sexual zone” in which sex is all they think about and they’ll do anything to get it. They want more and more sexual gratification and often they find that they can’t stop thinking about it.
Ritual Sexual fantasy leads to rituals. Rituals are repetitive, mindless behaviors that are the addict’s way of preparing to engage in compulsive sexual behavior. Excitement, arousal, and good feelings begin to build. They rationalize these behaviors because they “haven’t done anything wrong yet.”
Examples of sexual rituals include going to the ATM to load up on cash, cruising the public park or street where they might get sex, finding an excuse to go to a store near the sex shop, having a drink (to lower inhibitions), surfing the web to “happen” upon pornography or a sex chat room, or flirting with someone.
Using Eventually the sex addict “acts out.” He (or sometimes it is a she) acts out his sexual fantasies—buys a bunch of porn magazines or videos, calls the sex line, or “hooks up” with someone wanting sex.
And another set images or experiences is added to the porn library in his head, making it easier and easier to continue and to increase his compulsive sexual behavior. And the sex addict feels a need to do something even more exciting next time in order to get the desired charge. (This is called “tolerance.”)
Guilt Although the fantasizing, ritualizing, and acting out creates excitement for the sex addict, the good feelings don’t last long before they are overcome by feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. And as the cycle continues with more and worse sexual acting out behaviors the pain keeps getting worse too.
Uncovering Personal Needs Love, joy, and peace—these are the qualities that we all need to cultivate. These fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-25)
are not emotions, they are conditions of being, characteristics of God and godly people. They include emotions, but also attitudes, and capacities of relating and choosing.
Sex addicts have very little love, joy, or peace in their lives. They need to realize that they’re substituting lust for love, excitement for joy, and numbness or detachment for peace. Also they may be substituting power over others or aggression for true self-esteem.
They need to learn how to get their true needs met and to become a different kind of person on the inside.
Let me illustrate. Mark (not his real name) came for help when he developed an STD. Single and in his 30’s, he had struggled with moderate depression ever since he could remember. He felt empty and disconnected most of the time. To cope he worked a lot. And he looked for sex with women he met at parties.
Mark told me, “When I’m with a woman that I might have sex with I feel alive. I’m happy and energized, ready to handle anything that comes my way.”
But Mark’s happiness didn’t last long. Neither did his relationships with women. Inside, he was becoming more and more empty and disconnected. I told him that he was developing a heart of Velcro.
By getting into and out of sexual relationships he was forcing himself (and the women he was in relationship) to continually connect and disconnect emotionally. He admitted that he wasn’t as sensitive and compassionate as he used to be. “I feel trapped,” he lamented to me after another relationship broke up. “I know this isn’t good, but I can’t seem to stop. I guess that’s why I started therapy.”
Mark had lust, but not love. He had excitement at times, but no enduring joy. He satisfied his cravings and temporarily got free of his crave-resist conflict, but he was not truly at peace.
He needed to learn to stop sexualizing his needs and to instead get real help for himself.
Recovery is up to YouNo one is helpless over a psychological problem—even if they’ve been abused in the past. Obviously, it’s wrong to be abused and it’s unfair to be burdened with emotional pains that aren’t your fault.
But the hard truth is that my recovery and emotional healing is up to me—no one will do it for me—I have to learn how to reach out to the Lord Jesus Christ and apply his grace and truth to my life. I have to take responsibility for my pain and for the many bad and unhealthy choices that I have made to get into my predicament.
Steps to be Free from Lust Now I’d like to get real specific and real personal. If you’re struggling with a compulsive sexual behavior then I’m
talking with you. Do you want help? Are you serious about getting help? You’ll need to give it all you got to get free from lust and to become free to love. Here are some important steps for recovery and freedom.
Get Support and Accountability You need to get desperate and cry out to God for help. This is why steps 1 and 2 in the 12 Steps are: “We admitted we were powerless over our dependency on sex, that our lives had become unmanageable. We turned our wills and our lives over to the power of
God.”
“No one can serve two masters,” Jesus said (Matthew 6:24). He taught that freedom comes from following his teachings and seeking the truth (John 8:31-32).
So you need to tell the truth to God and to others. You need to tell your whole sexual history with at least one person you trust. A good place to start is to join a 12 Step recovery group. This is essential, as addicts in recovery will hold you accountable if you ask them to.
Get a sponsor, make friends, and work the steps. You need the accountability. You need the support. You need the structure. You need a healthy place to go to replace acting out.
Therapy is also important for many of the reasons above and to help you to experience support, healing of childhood wounds, and resolving of internal conflicts. If you’re married, it’s important to note that your spouse is not a good person to hold you accountable, as it’s too hurtful and confusing.
Talk it Out One of the important things that you need to learn to do in a safe relationship with someone you respect is to “talk out” your struggles and emotions. In recovery from compulsive behavior you need to learn to “talk it out” so you don’t “act it out.” In this way you discover by experience that you can find relief, care, and help by talking out your struggles, feelings, and needs to someone you trust and then taking in the comfort and encouragement you need.
Talk the stress out. Take the care In. Then you won’t act out your emotional needs with sexual sin.
In this way you are learning to meet your personal needs in relationships instead of by sexualizing, which doesn’t meet
any real needs and only makes things worse for you (and others) in the end. With practice in this talk it out process you learn to gain conscious
control over your unconscious, sexualizing reactions.
The goal is for you to learn to discipline yourself to talk it out as soon as you feel pain or emotional need (interrupting the first phase in “The Cycle of Addiction”, emotional trigger). If not there, then hopefully you do so when you find yourself starting to fantasize or to feel tempted (phase 2, craving), or when you start to dancing around the edges (phase 3, ritual), or when you start acting out (phase 4, suing).
Seek Healthy Enjoyment For you to stop pursing the excitement you get from acting out you need to add in new sources of enjoyment through hobbies, exercise, or time with friends. You need to focus on enjoying various simple, holy pleasures in life, like enjoying a walk in the park, appreciating a sunset, playing with a child, relaxing in a spa, participating in a conversation with a friend, calming yourself through quiet prayer, or meditating on Scripture.
Enjoyment won’t give you the same “hit” of excitement that you want, but if you stay sober long enough and even allow yourself to feel bored at times (resting the pleasure center in your brain) then you can find that joy is indeed way better, more meaningful and longer lasting than the illicit excitement you’ve craved.
Meditate on Scripture As I said above intertwined with compulsive sexual behavior and emotional wounds are lies. These need to be replaced with
God’s truth, especially as it’s found in the Bible. You need to meditate deeply on Scripture so that it forms you and imparts God’s life to you. A good place to start is to use the Scriptures for “Our Identity in Christ.”
Devote your Eyes to the Lord Lust is an addiction of the eyes. To overcome it you need to learn to devote your eyes (your physical eyes and the eyes of your heart) to the Lord Jesus Christ till you become captivated by his beauty and ravished by his kingdom of the heavens. In Romans Paul warns us against offering the parts of our bodies to sin that deadens us but as people brought from death to life we’re to present the parts of our bodies to God as “instruments of righteousness” (Romans 6:13).
Just as sin is rejecting the sufficiency of the Lord as our portion (“Against you only have I sinned”, David confessed in Psalm 51:4) so also devotion to the Lord is the ultimate antidote to lust. If you’re heart is rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord you will not lust!
I teach lust addicts to form a habit of the heart that whenever the thought of lust comes to them they re-direct their mind to engage their heart to offer a Scripture based prayer of devotion to Jesus like, “Whom have I in the heavens but you Lord and earth has nothing I desire besides you” (Psalm 73:25). From there you can learn to offer prayers of intercession for the one you were tempted to lust after, “Lord, bless this woman. Help her to pure. Protect her from men who want to use and abuse her. May she rejoice in your love Jesus, even now.”
This is a delightful prayer practice that is guaranteed with practice to calm down lust. There’s no point for Satan to entice you to lust if every time he does that you begin to give thanks and praise to Jesus for how wonderfully satisfying he is!
For instance, ”Eyes of Prayer” is a short prayer inspired by Psalm 101 and other Scriptures that I wrote to will help you
renounce the lust of the eyes and dedicate your eyes to Jesus.
Practice God’s Presence Sin comes from a soul that is dissatisfied.
Our greatest opportunity in life is to learn to find our joy in the Lord Jesus Christ in our midst, delighting in him (Psalm 37:4) and trusting his sufficiency to meet all our needs (Philippians 4:19). This is called practicing God’s presence and it’s essential to becoming free of lust’s deadly grip. Our goal needs to be able to say with David, ”I have set the Lord always before me because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8). We need to learn more and more to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) as Paul did.
How? Try praying Scripture phrases throughout the day like, “Jesus delights in me… I delight in you my Lord” (inspired by Psalm 18:19; 37:4, 23). Or hold before your mind the picture of Jesus smiling and opening his arms to you. There are many “Breath Prayers from the Bible” that you can use to help you practice God’s presence.
As discussed above, if Satan presents a temptation to lust to you but you’re already in a posture of prayer, meditating on a word from God then it’ll be easy for you to refuse lust and rejoice in the Lord.
Prepare Ahead to Reduce Temptation If you’re having a compulsive behavior problem then one of the most important things I can tell you is to plan ahead in times of strength for future times of weakness and temptation. This means things like, calling ahead to the hotel to ask them to turn off the sex channels, not letting yourself even drive near the porn shop, not walking by the magazine rack, getting a filter for your internet, or not having a credit card to charge illicit sex on.
Also, it’s helpful for you to set up an “emergency kit” to pull out in times of temptation. Put in it things like a list with support system phone numbers, a picture of your inner child (who you need to care for and to protect), a family picture (of loved ones who care for you and whom you need to care for and not hurt), Bible verses, affirming statements, or 12 Step workbook.
What I’m saying is, you need to ”Pray Before you Slip.” You need to watch and pray. If you do the soul training with Jesus that is needed, opening your heart to him and his word, then from a renewed heart you will be in a position to resist temptation.
Celebrate Little Victories Little victories matter. The wise man of the Bible, inspired by the Holy Spirit said, “The righteous one falls seven times and rises again” (Proverbs 24:16).
How can it be that it is the righteous one who keeps falling down? Because he or she keeps rising back up with God’s help. Why does he fall seven times? Seven is God’s number of perfection—there is room in God’s grace fur us to fall down as many times as it takes for us to learn to take hold of the hand of Christ.
In the process of recovery from compulsive behavior consider that minimizing the degree of acting out—or stopping yourself
at the point of it being “a little slip” and not an all out binge—is a success.
Finally, when you fail don’t think it’s too late. You can still talk it out after you’ve acted out, confessing your sin and your failing to God and to someone you trust, seeking forgiveness and new strength to get back in recovery (1 John 1:9, James 5:16). Even this can be understood and re-framed as a positive because you’re not keeping it a secret and you’re getting help!
“Soul Shepherding is for you and your ministry”
Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere,
Psy.D. ~ Soul Shepherding ~ Irvine, CA